Helpful Tips for the Work From Home Mama

It’s all so new and different. My office is no longer in a cozy cube across from my coworker, now it’s in my bedroom’s cozy nook. My comfy mama space has been replaced with a chair and small desk. I can’t just call out to my coworkers, instead I have to literally call them…like on a phone, or ZOOM. It is a blessing to be able to even continue working during this time, yet, I was struggling to adapt to making work work at home. I finally dedicated some time to helping my struggle, and since sharing is still caring, I have written out the things that have helped me.

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Tips for the W.F.O. Mama

(1) PRIORITIZE ALL THE SPACES. Sit down with your people, the big ones and the little ones too, because prioritizing your spaces is a family matter. You won’t be the only one benefiting from laying out a map of boundaries. How these spaces could be defined can be as simple as “Work“, “Family“, “Only Mama“, and my personal favorite “Jesus“.

For example, in our home, if mama is at the kitchen table even if she is working/having Jesus time, I give you permission to politely interrupt me. This is what we agreed to be as “family space.” By prioritizing, defining, and being consistent in these spaces, it gives you the opportunity to leave work at work and come into those safe family and personal spaces where work is not allowed to follow. Your own emotional & mental health will thank you, as well as the big ones and maybe even the little ones. Don’t forget that our littles need to prioritize their spaces too. “Play“, “Work“, “Sleep/Quiet“, and “Only Me” will help them in their own self-management of emotions that can overwhelm them regularly.

Also, if you are limited in separate spaces, you could utilize time blocks for the areas you are working with daily. Set up a clock. Be consistent, sticking to those prioritized times. Reminding your family that work time lasts until “fill in the blank” o’clock.

(2) PURSUE ONE ACHIEVABLE RELATIONAL GOAL A DAY. Mama said there will be days like these. You know, the ones where we begin with the kicking and screaming and we end with the kicking and screaming. I’m not just talking about the toddlers in the house either, I have plenty of teenagers kicking and screaming these days. One day is manageable, a week is fist-clenched stress-filled, “ugh!,” more than that is, “Help, I need somebody!” When you are at work, you can help those overloads by simply chipping away at the to-do lists, goals, and even ideating better solutions. It helps to make your daily work load have at least one attainable productivity goal. You finish work thinking, “well, at least I got that done!” Therefore, when the relational stressors get overloaded it can help to set one achievable, specifically relational goal for your day. Don’t dig too deep for this. In other words, start with what you can see on the surface.

You and your husband need time to connect. Get the littles into bed, don’t put on the latest binge show, and instead talk. Or if you have bigger littles, maybe a nice evening walk after dinner; just the two of you. I have been sharing a feelings chart with my closest people lately, because sometimes it helps to have some options in front of you to start the word vomits.

Then, there are those kicking and screaming kids. I think the best place to start with them is the same place God starts with us—steadfast love. “I love you. I love you just for who you are. I love you no matter what happens. I love you.” Then He brings in consistent Truth and Grace. “We shouldn’t be hitting our brother. It hurts them, not just where you hit them, but also their hearts. If you were hurting, what would you need to help you? Let’s think about a way to help the hurt your brother has now.” In that love, truth and grace, we can gradually chip away to the deeper stressors of our lives.

(3) PRACTICE AT PEACE. Peace is a person and I want to be more like Him. Not only do I want to be like Him, I want the people around me to live in peace and know peace. I want to raise children that know and imitate Him as well. Therefore, in the morning when we rise, give us Jesus, give us His peace. When we want to run a 5K, we practice. When we want to learn an instrument, we practice. When we want to finally keep a plant alive, we practice by purchasing one plant at a time. When we want to know and live in peace, we practice at it alongside the true Source.

Mindfulness exercises focused on the Source is a great place to start your practice. Put on that soaking worship music for just five minutes, and invite peace into your spaces. “Peace is a gift freely given to me. I invite Your peace into my whole being. Just like oxygen sustains me, so will Your peace. Today, I choose to breathe in peace, breathe out worry. Breathe in peace, breath out anxiety. Breathe in peace, breathe out the need to control. Breathe in peace. Breathe in Your presence. Breathe.”

(4) PICK YOUR FRIEND, BUT NOT THEIR NOSE. My dearest sister, Candace, likes to call them her “tribe“. I like to call them “my people“. I’m sure like you, we have reached the max on zoom calls, but we have a deficiency of authentic connection.  Loneliness was a plague before this pandemic, and it will continue unless we do something about it. Right now, with all the things stuck in one place, and all the family also in that place, let’s not go crazy on taking on all the people as well. Let’s start with one safe person that doesn’t live in the same house. You know, like that one person you would go to coffee with and lose track of time. Your husband would end up calling and wondering when you are coming home, because the kids are starting to ask questions. That person. You got that person in mind? Good.

Now if you haven’t already today, let’s send them a text. In this text, let’s not start by seeing how they are doing though—let’s do a vulnerable thing and tell them how you are doing first. They are that safe person, so it will be fine. “These kids won’t sleep, and I’m D.O.N.E.” If it helps utilize emojis or GIFS, I personally love the ugly cry varieties. Sorry, not sorry, Kim K. for using your ugly cry GIF ruthlessly. They might not be able to text back right away, and that’s okay! Because life! But you know what? You put yourself out there without having to care for the others emotional needs right away. If I am your safe person, I really don’t need you to “pick my nose” or take care of me first. I have your well being as a priority as well. So pick a friend today, do the vulnerable thing, and seek an authentic connection in the midst of it all.

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Adapting to life’s many changes, whether unprecedented or planned, is a part of what makes human beings so special. We have many resources and tools at our disposal, and we gain more with each passing moment. Our current needs are no different. On your next day off, do yourself a favor. Set aside some time, take on what has been vexing you lately, and start working towards a workable work at home solution. Don’t forget that Jesus space, too!

~ Alyssa Jacobs

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash