Living A Life of Worship When Facing Uncertainty and Grief

I love the book of James. I love his character and how straight forward he is! I think we’d be friends, honestly. In his book you find this gem in chapter 1:1-4: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I’m not sure about you but I am so not about what he is saying, so you can just picture a huge eye roll right about now. It doesn’t make sense to live a life of worship and be joyful while you’re facing trials, and I definitely would like to get out of it sooner than later. Trials bring pain, grief, anger, stress, and the list can go on and on. Trials expose the nature of our heart and also just our own sinful human nature. So, how can joy be possible in our darkest hour? Mother Teresa once said, “Joy is prayer. Joy is strength. Joy is love. Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” C. S. Lewis actually referred to joy as “the serious business of Heaven.” There’s a pattern here that is worth zooming into.

It’s in those moments, when I’m tired of fighting with my own strength that Jesus just comes and sits with me, lifts up my head and says to me “I died for this.”

If you know me, you know that I love to be fun and lively but the reality is there’s a reason why I choose to live life this way. I’ve dealt with a lot of anger for many years. I’ve experienced loss and the unexplainable hopelessness that comes with it. A few years ago my stress level were so high that I started getting anxiety attacks in the form of chest pains—they felt like heart attacks. I’ve had to face the reality of substance abuse with a family member and just how real and completely grotesque addiction is.

My family has been attacked in many ways and we continue to face trials every day. Every morning seems like a new unknown journey. But, even in the darkest hour, when tears seem to runout and there’s literally zero capacity left in me, I always seem to come back to good ‘ol James. It’s in those moments, when I’m tired of fighting with my own strength that Jesus just comes and sits with me, lifts up my head and says to me “I died for this. So darling, open your hand and let me take it.” This is the joy that James talked about. Joy isn’t a temporary thing. Joy is His love, His strength. Joy is surrender. Joy is worship.

If you’ve been through trials and still choose to worship, you may have had people ask why. Honestly, the only thing I can answer with is, “I just have to.” Not because I feel forced to but because the goodness of God is too big not to. His hand has carried me here until this day and I cannot say that He has not been faithful. There is zero proof to not worship in my darkest hour and you know what the best thing is? He meets you and I wherever we are and however we look.

Worship is messy, raw, unreasonable and kinda bizarre, honestly, but that’s exactly what Jesus wants.

Sometimes, worship looks like closing my eyes, picturing Him right in front of me and letting everything go with a big exhale. Other times, it means sitting at the piano with zero strength, many tears and little faith, and choosing to sing worship songs that declare my trust in Him to remind my heart that He is in control. And for the most part, it looks like me sitting angry in silence while He sits right next to me—no words, just silence. But in the silence He interrupts my fear, my doubt and re-aligns my heart and sight to His. Worship is messy, raw, unreasonable and kinda bizarre, honestly, but that’s exactly what Jesus wants.

You see, when we realize what Jesus actually died for, surrender comes quickly. The terror of the night fades away because our joy is not based on circumstances but on heavenly truths. C.S Lewis referred to joy as “the serious business of Heaven” because joy is not an earthly feeling but the result of the greatest sacrifice of love that leads us to a life of surrender.

~ Christina Colmenares

Related Article: Our Brokenness for His Wholeness

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