Having multiple toddlers, or even one toddler, can seriously throw a wrench in your smooth-operator game. The balance between entertaining and keeping small humans not just alive, but thriving, and prioritizing quality time to connect with your spouse can become quickly unbalanced if you’re not intentional. Depleted days can run back-to-back and the thought of anyone touching you or requesting ANYTHING of you can incite furry and fleeing after toddlers have been demanding and tugging on you all the livelong day.
But one day something clicked, and I’m so glad it did.
It wasn’t just that my husband needed/wanted to connect with me intimately, I needed the connection as well. Personally speaking, whether it’s sex, talking or snuggling, the time shared with my boo is healing and comforting. It gives us the opportunity to unwind together, share any qualms/fears/unmet expectations, as well as dream together and spark joy in each other. All of the years believing that “sex is only for the man” went right out the window, and the truth of the complex and beautiful design of sex between husband and wife began to float up to the top.
Here are a few tips that helped me begin to foster a healthy and fun sex life:
1. I talked to other trusted wives that have great sex lives on how they prioritized intimacy in shifting seasons.
2. I would decide early that day to have sex that evening before the crazy set in. I would spend the day thanking God for my husband and thinking about what I love most about him. This usually helps me “stay in the mood.”
3. I let my husband know he’s free to initiate sex even if he thinks I’m tired. We have no issue with communicating to each other we don’t want to at any given moment.
4. I wear lingerie. It can be as simple as pretty underwear to an all out ensemble. The idea is to feel sexy in my own skin. It’s less for him and more for me, lol. After having kiddos, #bodylove can be hard sometimes.
5. I flirt throughout the day. This is an easy way to build excitement and anticipation through the day. Tip: It’s fun if you make a game of saying really bad pick-up lines.
6. I ask for comfort sex when I need it. I’ve grieved a lot this year and I remembered that one of the blessings of sex with your spouse is comfort. Ask for it if you need it. (2 Sam. 12:24)
7. I use it to reconnect with my husband. Especially when we aren’t communicating well and attitudes are high, it somehow puts us back on the same page and resets our communication.
8. I initiate in a delightfully aggressive way just to show my boo that he’s very much desired. I never want him to feel like I’m not attracted to him because I’m too tired to to initiate.
9. I accepted that exhausted comes with the territory and that’s ok. I don’t have to be vibrant and whimsical to connect with my husband. Sex can be simple and lovely and blissful with my forever-boo and that works perfectly for us.
Every “tip” I shared is something that works for me and my husband and is simply a guide to get your wheels spinning. Feel free to add, substitute and create your own list between you and your husband. Each new season we find ourselves in will call for us to be creative in maintaining a healthy connection with our spouse. Instead of looking at it as an obstacle, change your perspective to embarking on a new adventure with the one you love.
Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
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