#ItsoktoNOTbeok

I have a confession and an apology.

Confession: I’m a perfectionist. I push myself way too hard. I want to say sometimes, but let’s face it… it’s all the time.

Apology: I want to apologize to myself. I’ve put you in some very hard to reach places. I’ve stuffed your feelings in a box and tightened the lid. I don’t give you enough rest, care and love. When you tell me “…enough, I’m tired.” I say, “What’s wrong with you? Other people can do this. Don’t be lazy! Get up! We can rest after the laundry is done.” I neglected your plea for change and dismissed it as inadequacy.

I also want to apologize to the women watching me–especially the other moms that are reading this. When we aren’t honest about our lack of sleep, lack of help, lack of knowledge, lack of motivation, we are lying to the other women around us. We’re telling each other there’s no room to be human. We’re pretending to have it all together.

We’re telling each other there’s no room to be human. We’re pretending to have it all together.

Many times I’ve heard the song Superwoman by Alicia Keys. Ironically, I’ve failed to realize the thought that I’m somehow superhuman and it’s the kryptonite that keeps me bound to exhaustion and hopelessness.

You might be asking what clicked for you? What changed? When did you realize enough was enough?

I recently joined a girl tribe. Every week we meet to talk about the projects we’re working on in our lives. Recently we were all facing separate battles, but all just as difficult. I think I finally opened my eyes and realized we were all hurting, together. They told me I wasn’t alone, even though I felt isolated. They told me I was enough even when I felt like I had nothing to offer. They reached out for me, even when I pushed and ran away.

They simply made me realize – It’s ok to not be ok.

Photo by Hian Oliveira on Unsplash