Let’s talk about being an artist and dealing with compromise.
As a person of faith endeavoring a career in the entertainment industry I’m often asked the following questions (or some variation thereof):
“So… how’s your walk with God?”
“Isn’t it hard to be a believer in a place like Hollywood?”
“Have you compromised your… ‘integrity’?”
I get it. These questions usually come from people I know and love who, for the most part, are simply concerned for my physical and spiritual well-being. The imagery, lifestyles and “realities” that are depicted in our media give most people pause. Slogans like, “Sex sells,” and “Money talks” don’t exactly invoke a sense of holiness. So with all that we see and hear coming from the Hollywood machine, who wouldn’t be concerned or have questions for their friends and loved ones who want a career in this space.
The thing is, much of what we as Christians typically address as “shows of compromise” – the outer displays – aren’t what I struggle with. I can, with gratitude, say that most of this is in part due to a divine shield over my life. I haven’t had to be faced with compromising my body for a role, or bury my core values for money. I repeat, this is not due to any grand sense of internal strength. Rather the sheer lack of opportunity. I’d like to THINK I’d stand firm on God’s word and promises, but honestly… who knows! And I say that because time lost and a dream deferred really does make the heart sick. And thus begins MY personal struggle.
Langston Hughes wrote a poem that often springs to my mind these days – here’s a line from it:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore — And then run?
This poem because it surmises my current heart posture. When it comes to compromise – mine have been in the area of belief. The hardest part about walking this road is simply sustaining the journey when there’s seemingly no end in sight. With every passing year, my heart loses hope in the sincere belief that Jesus is on my side – that he’s for me and not against me. That I can hope in him to do exceedingly and abundantly beyond anything I could hope or imagine. That I haven’t been forsaken to take matters into my own hands.
And THIS compromise, I believe, is what leads to all others. Selling out. Ditching faith. Commodifying sex. Sacrificing health. Forgetting to Sabbath. Rejecting counsel. Foregoing worship. Sidelining important relationships. These all speak to the base concept – one that’s prevalent in Hollywood and our society at large – that it’s up to ME to make of my life what I want. That’s a hard heart posture to fight, especially since it’s one we as a human race have been fighting since the dawn of time–since Eve and Adam took and ate from the tree.
So when I’m faced with seeing my own audition opportunities dwindling, while fellow acting friends around me of a similar “type” are auditioning, filming and THRIVING – my heart bends a little.
When I think about how I’ve set aside attempts to pursue personal relationships so that I could succeed in my career endeavors, only to find I’m no further along in my career than I was years prior, and on top of that… I’m alone. My heart yields a little more.
When I find myself juggling multiple jobs to stay afloat (because LA is EXPENSIVE) only to look up and realize that all I do is work, sleep and repeat; that the cost is watching my creativity dry up and enjoyment of life be sidelined – my heart folds even more. Before you know it your soul is vexed, your mind creates doubt, and your faith is indeed compromised.
The pursuit of dreams can indeed be soul-crushing. It’s a painstaking journey that seldom ever come together neatly or quickly enough. In my experience, it will take more than it gives and will stretch you beyond what you can bear.
So right now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Wow Rodnesha… that’s not very encouraging at all. In fact it’s down-right disheartening. Also, do you need a therapist?”
To that, I would respond, “Yeah friend… yeah it is.” So, I’m sure you’re wondering ,“Where is this dire diatribe GOING!?! Is there any hope left in you? Is there any redemption at the end of this road?” I can’t exactly speak to how this journey will be inevitably redeemed, but I can talk about what Biblical examples have sustained me through it all.
1. WWJD… What. Would. JOSEPH. Do?
Thank goodness the Bible is rich with examples of equally flawed individuals, like myself, who have overcome. And none are more real and more connective to me than Joseph.
Joseph was given a dream – holy insight into his future – and was so inspired that he didn’t even stop to think or question the why and the how, he just sprung to action! However, it was this very dream that sent him careening into his darkest nights of soul. His dream sent him into enslavement, prison, and servitude and every so often, favor would give him a glimmer of hope– and then the harsh realities of the land he was living in would cast him down once more.
What stands out to me MORE than the valleys he wavered in and out of, was how Joseph PERSISTED. He never wavered from what he knew to be true. He never turned his back on God. He never took the “easy path” to grasp at whatever kind of success he could get his hands on. He remained true to God and his convictions even if those choices took him 2 steps forward and then 3 steps back. In the end, Joseph’s dream came to fruition via his faithfulness. His story is always in the back of my mind and its ending remains my steadfast hope – that some day, by some means I couldn’t predict, via a path I would never had elected to take, my dream will become reality and others will be blessed by it.
If you are ever feeling discouraged, I suggest really sitting with this story and letting it rest on your heart. Recalling it has helped me more than once to renew my hope.
2. Don’t ascend the mountain without Aaron and Hur by your side.
Another Hero of the Faith I often reflect on is Moses, and this reference comes from Exodus 17.
Moses was given charge by the Lord to uphold his staff while the Israelites battled for the Promised Land. He was told as long as it remained upheld the Israelites would have victory. Once again… time and weariness make an appearance and Moses begins to shake and lose his strength. Fortunately, Moses didn’t endeavor this feat without having his inner circle by his side. When they saw him get weak, they sat him down and held up his arms.
What’s so beautiful to me about this picture is that his friends didn’t give him a pass to give up – even if just for a few minutes to catch his breath – nor did they take on the burden by seizing the staff from Moses. They knew their friend had been given a mission and had to see it through, but simultaneously understood that weariness gets the best of us all, especially as we’re seeking victory and breakthrough. Keep close to you those who are ready and willing to hold up your arms when you just can’t any longer.
I have been richly blessed to have friends and family alike who have come alongside me in faith, and in deed, when I needed it most. When my flesh and my heart fail they speak life. They pray, motivate and comfort–they don’t give up on me – and remain by my side through the thick of it all. Friends like these in your life will make a world of difference.
Admittedly, the career path I’ve chosen is a fairly jagged one but in the end it really doesn’t matter what you’re trying to pursue, the temptation to compromise will find you where you are. I truly do believe it starts with this first compromise – falling prey to the belief that you’re on your own, that God means to deprive you and abandon you to false hope. Just think of how many people have ended up in places, situations, occupations and addictions they never would’ve imagined because of this one fold of the heart.
We can’t stop time, we can’t keep weariness at bay, but we can fight to keep our faith tank fueled up and keep quality people by our side who will hold us up. This can see us through those long nights of soul – until breakthrough comes.
“ Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Proverbs 13:12
Photo by Alyssa Strohmann on Unsplash
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